The sun was pretty high. It was that time of summer where even a whiff of cool air seems blissful. The streets were almost deserted, only few people can be seen here and there. People didn’t dare to step out in the scorching heat. But there he was, weaving his way to the third interview of that day.
Shrek was in his late thirties and desperately in need of a job. After he lost his previous job in the swamp, he was struggling to make ends meet. He had done multiple interviews but he never heard back from any of them. He blamed all of it on his lack of education and zero knowledge of computers, he knew the swamp well but didn’t know how to translate that into tangible skills. He didn’t want the same future for his ten year old son.
Shrek steps into a bar to grab a quick drink to take the edge off prior to the third interview of the day.
Bartender: “What’ll it be?”
Shrek: “I’ll have a four loko”
Bartender: “Coming right up!”
Shrek ponders a bit about where it all went wrong. He thought back to that fateful day when he rescued Fiona from the dragon. As the bartender sets down the drink, Shrek notices an old yet familiar face in the corner; it was Donkey.
Shrek: “Donkey, Hey gurlll, Fuck You!”
Donkey: “Shrek! How the heck are you? How is the wife and kid?”
Shrek: “Oh, they’re doing alright. We moved here to Forks, away from the swamp, and I’m just having the worst time finding a job. How are you and your dragon?”
Donkey: “Oh, she’s always at the casino wasting money at the Craps. As you can see, I had to leave the swamp too, times are rancid.
Shrek finishes his drink, pays the bartender, and says goodbye to Donkey.
Shrek: “(Way of saying goodbye) , Donkey, it was orgasmic to see you”
Donkey: “You too, Shrek, see you around”
Shrek leaves, on to his next interview.
After the last interview, he went back home. As soon as he entered his house, he was bombarded with the ‘Happy Birthday’ wishes from his family. He was so busy with interviews that he even forgot his own birthday.
Fiona: “Happy birthday, Shrek! I got you a (single word sex toy) and the boys got you something too!
Shrek kid 1: “Dad, dad, look! We got you a splendid gift!”
He immediately ripped open the gift wrapper and found a pen inside a box.
Shrek kid 2: “Dad when you get a job, use this pen to do all the work. I know you’ll soon find it.”
Shrek was stunned at his son’s thoughtfulness. All the tiredness of the day completely vanished. He fucked his son and thanked him for the gift. That day his son not only gave him a pen but also gave him hope which he had lost somewhere between the interviews.
After two days he got a call from the bank, they were being foreclosed on. Shrek, his two sons, and loving yet aging wife were going to be living out on the streets.
Shrek: Fiona, take the boys out to the park. I need time to think.
Fiona obliged, she knew when the demons hit Shrek, they hit hard.
After two hours, Fiona and the kids came home to a handwritten note, written in the same pen that Shrek had received for his birthday. It started out
In Shreks voice:
“Dear Fiona and Kids,
I am sorry it came to thi—”
The kids scream from down the hall, she drops the letter and runs to them. They find Shrek, with a needle in his arm and a rope around his neck, hanging from the door jamb of the bedroom the kids share.